Overcoming Self-Doubt

In this episode of Not Your Typical Desi, host Shivani opens up about their recent struggles with self-doubt, which initially derailed plans to discuss the impact of adoption on cultural identity. They detail how procrastination has become a form of self-sabotage fueled by doubt and how they've been working through these feelings. Throughout the episode, Shivani reflects on their mental and emotional hurdles, shares guidance from their patron deity King Hades, and emphasizes the importance of patience, consistency, and leaning into spiritual practices like tarot, meditation, and affirmations to combat self-doubt. They offer encouragement to listeners facing similar challenges and provide practical strategies for managing and overcoming self-doubt to maintain a creative and fulfilling journey.

Transcript

Hi everyone and welcome back to Not Your Typical Desi. I'm Shivani, your host, and today I want to talk about something I've been battling recently, self doubt. Originally, this episode was going to be about the impact adoption has had on my cultural identity, a deeply personal and important topic, but as I started preparing, I resonating with me yet.

Vulnerability is a process and I'm still learning how to open up and share these parts of myself. This podcast is part of that journey and I truly appreciate your patience as I grow and embrace that vulnerability. 

Instead, I felt called to focus on something I've been actively navigating this week, self doubt.

It's not easy to talk about, especially while I'm in the middle of it, but it feels important, not just for me, but for anyone who's ever felt stuck, overwhelmed, or unsure of their worth. Starting this podcast has been exciting but also terrifying. There have been moments where I've felt paralyzed by doubt, wondering if I'm good enough or if I should even bother.

And today I noticed something. 

Procrastination. I was avoiding tasks, feeling overwhelmed, and caught up in negative self sabotaging thoughts. Someone once told me that procrastination is one of the deepest forms of self sabotage because it's so easy to do. And So, today I want to share my experience with self doubt, how it affects me, and what I'm doing to push through.

My hope is that this episode reminds you that you're not alone in your struggles, and that self doubt doesn't have to stop you from moving forward. 

I think the moment that made me realize self doubt was truly affecting me was when I wanted to give up. For me, self doubt feels debilitating. Mentally, it's this wave of anxiety, overwhelm, and burnout.

I shut down completely, like I'm stuck in the aid of swords card, trapped in my own thoughts. This isn't the first time self doubt has held me back. There have been so many moments in the past where I've stopped pursuing something important because I let doubt take over. A lot of that doubt stems from things I was told as a kid, a young adult, or even now.

From society, friends, family, and partners. Those words stick with you, especially when you're autistic and queer, because you already feel so chronically misunderstood. For me, procrastination is how self doubt sneaks in. It convinces me to avoid the things I care about most. Because what if I fail? What if I'm not good enough?

And even though I logically know those doubts aren't true, They still hold me back, but this time it's different, and I'm recognizing the pattern. I'm choosing to follow through, even though it's uncomfortable. For me, not giving up is the uncomfortable part, but I'm doing it anyway. Self doubt used to stop me in my tracks, but I'm learning to see it for what it is.

A feeling, not a fact. And that's helped me keep moving forward. This podcast is my way of challenging that self doubt, of proving to myself that I can do this, even when it feels impossible. Every time I sit down to work on an episode, I remind myself, progress doesn't have to be perfect. Showing up is enough.

And I'm showing up for myself and for you guys.

What's helped me keep going despite the self doubt is my connection with King Hades. He's my patron deity and honestly, I don't know where I'd be without his guidance. When I feel like I'm drowning in self doubt or stuck in a cycle of procrastination, he's the one who reminds me to keep moving forward, no matter how messy or uncertain the path might feel.

Recently I pulled some cards to ask him to remind me of what he's here to help me with and the message I received was so powerful and exactly what I needed to hear. The four of swords reversed came up first and it reminded me of how he pulls me out of stagnation when I'm sitting in my fears or overthinking everything.

Hades gently pulls me out. But firmly pushes me into action. Then there was the full upright, which encourages me to embrace new beginnings. Starting this podcast was terrifying for me. It was a leap into the unknown, but Hades helps me see that stepping into the unknown isn't just necessary.

The Knight of Coins Upright reminded me that patience and consistency are key. Hades is showing me the importance of planting seeds and nurturing them over time. He helps me focus on the process, not just the outcome. The Knight of Cups Upright validated my emotional and creative journey. He sees my dreams for what they are and encourages me to follow my heart.

Even when I feel scared or uncertain. There were also cards like the Ace of Swords reversed and Queen of Swords reversed, which reminded me that sometimes my self doubt clouds my clarity, or makes me second guess myself. But Hades gently reminds me that even when I feel like I'm faltering, I have the tools I need to succeed.

If I trust myself. Hades has been my anchor through this journey. He's my teacher, my guide, and someone who believes in me even when I struggle to believe in myself. He reminds me that I am capable of so much more than I give myself credit for. I truly don't think, I truly don't think I would have had the strength to create this podcast without him.

Self doubt is such a tricky thing to recognize, and honestly, it can take years to figure it out. I am 26, and through creating this episode, I've realized just how much it's been holding me back. 

One way to recognize self doubt is by using tools for self reflection, like shadow work, tarot, meditation, journaling, therapy, or even spending time in nature.

These tools can help you tune into your feelings and uncover what's really going on beneath the surface. Another way to recognize self doubt is to pay attention to how you feel when thinking about something you really want to do. Something you're passionate about and know you're capable of achieving.

If you hear those voices or thoughts saying, No, you can't do this, or who do you think you are? Pause and realize those aren't your thoughts. Those are other people's words and projections, things you've internalized over time. But they don't define you and you don't have to carry them anymore. To anyone who feels like they're not ready to take a leap of faith in their creative journey, I get it.

I've been there. But here's something I've realized. Not ready is often just an excuse. I don't think anyone feels 100 percent ready to start something new. New things are scary, plain, and simple. And yes, preparation is important, trust me. I'm a Virgo. I know how important preparation is. But at the end of the day, it's going to be uncomfortable.

And that's okay. Growth often is. You are capable of pushing through that discomfort and you can do this. Now, what if we reframed self doubt as a strength? Think about it. Feeling self doubt means you care. It's a human emotion that doesn't have to define you, but it can guide you. When you notice self doubt creeping in, don't ignore it or push it down.

Acknowledge it without judgment and then keep moving forward. Push through those feelings and do the thing you're scared of doing. That's where growth happens. Self doubt isn't who you are, and it doesn't control you. It's just a part of the journey, and you've got this. You really do.

I'm learning that self doubt doesn't just go away. You have to work with it. 

Here are some things that have helped me. Whenever I feel overwhelmed, I remind myself why I started this podcast. It's about sharing my story, connecting with others, and creating a space. For healing or sorry creating a safe space for healing instead of focusing on the big picture I take it one small step at a time like editing one segment or Recording one episode whether it's a trusted friend a spiritual guide or a creative mentor I've learned it's okay to reach out when I need reassurance Progress doesn't have to be perfect.

Sometimes just showing up is worth celebrating.

Tarot has been an incredible tool for me. Recently, I pulled cards to reflect on self doubt, and the messages were so clear. The Eight of Wands reversed showed me how self doubt slows things down, creating unnecessary delays. The Page of Wands upright reminded me to lean into the spark of curiosity and creativity that first inspired this podcast.

And the two of wands upright showed me that self doubt often appears when I'm standing at a crossroads, unsure of my next step. These cards help me reflect and move forward.

I've realized that spiritual and mental tools aren't about finding instant clarity. They're about uncovering the deeper truths within yourself. Trusting my intuition has been key in this process, even when fear or overthinking tries to take over. I've also learned that personal growth isn't linear.

There are moments when it feels like I'm working so hard, but not seeing results. And that can be really frustrating, but it's important to remember that progress is still happening even when it's not obvious. Patience, consistency, and adaptability are what keep things moving forward. Balance is also a big part of this journey.

It's easy to push too hard or get caught up in perfectionism, but I'm learning to give myself permission to rest and recharge. Sometimes like stepping back can be just as powerful as pushing forward. When self doubt strikes while I'm working on my podcast, I've found a few practical steps that help me reset and move forward.

First, I look to King Hades for guidance. I pull tarot cards to get clarity and insight, and I also meditate to sit with my thoughts and process them. Sometimes I take a shower to cleanse and reset my mindset, or even just my physical body. Showers can be so grounding, and they help me feel like I'm washing away negativity or any lingering energy that doesn't serve me.

Since I announced this podcast, I've been mindful of managing the negativity and EY that's been directed my way. It's important to protect your energy when putting something personal and creative out into the world. These small intentional actions have helped me realign when doubt starts to creep in.

Balancing self doubt without letting it consume my creative process is something I'm still figuring out, but here's what's been working for me. First, I remind myself that self doubt is just a feeling. It's not who I am, and it doesn't have to define my creative work. I've also learned to set boundaries around how much time I spend sitting with those feelings.

Acknowledging doubt is important, but so is giving myself permission to focus on the joy of creation. When doubt feels overwhelming, I lean into tools like meditation, grounding practices, and affirmations to shift my mindset. Another way I manage this balance is by giving myself grace. Creativity isn't always a linear process, and self doubt is a natural part of putting yourself out there.

Instead of letting it consume me, I try to view it as an opportunity to grow. Pushing through those feelings and continuing to create despite the doubt is where the magic happens. I use affirmations and mantras to help calm my mind when self doubt feels overwhelming. Some of the ones that resonate most with me are, I am capable of achieving my goals even when the path feels uncertain.

My light shines even in my darkest moments. The challenges I face are opportunities for growth. I am protected and supported as I move forward on my journey. These affirmations remind me to stay grounded and focused while also acknowledging my inner strength and resilience. Writing them down or saying them aloud has been a powerful way to shift my mindset and push through tough moments.

Thank you for joining me for this episode of Not Your Typical Desi. Self doubt is universal. But it doesn't have to define us.  Until next time, and take care.

Next time on Not Your Typical Desi, we're talking self care. Both the cozy kind, like bubble baths, and the deeper kind, like setting boundaries and healing emotionally.